Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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