Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize