I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
