I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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