This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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