Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
