Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can I color on your dick again?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
