we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
