I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
too bad you live with your parents still
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
