Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dear god my vagina.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize