you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
