We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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