I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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