Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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