i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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