Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
