How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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