What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
