This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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