I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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