Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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