It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
