I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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