Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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