when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
