Having a random hookup so left but love u
this boner is exhausting
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize