we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
