I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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