now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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