You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
