I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize