If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
