TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize