i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
