$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
