to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
