So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
