I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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