I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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