she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
