i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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