i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
