I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
