maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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