I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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