evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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