i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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