I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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