So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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