i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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