Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
this just has baby written all over it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
