I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
