I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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