I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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