My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
