And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize