Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
