Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
