I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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