chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
