just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
