am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
