loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
