Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
