It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
