why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
