He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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