so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
