Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
