mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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