It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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