sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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