I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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