sarcasm needs its own font
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
