i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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