no, he came in my armpit
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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