I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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