So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
