i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
