i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
