Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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