M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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