Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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