I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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