Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
