apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
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meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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