I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
